There are many reasons to dislike spiders and various others from the tangled family web of arachnid lineage. However, I have put together a list of things that simply cannot be overlooked when it comes to these frightening creatures that will not leave me/anyone alone ever.While heights, the dark and Honey Boo Boo's mom's under-chins top my list of valid fears in life, spiders are definitely not something I enjoy on any occasion, except perhaps when squashed in a heap with leg segments twitching.
1. Spiders know when you're sleeping or relaxed or happy and want to ruin these feelings.
Oh, a nice stroll down a wooded path? Spiders see this as an opportunity to weave a piece of invisible web directly in front of your face, leaving you disoriented and constantly trying to remove the troublesome particle for at least the next ten minutes. Also, your heart rate has increased by nearly 10bpm. Maybe 11 if you actually spot the web weaver. From a personal perspective, there is no worse feeling that a creepy crawley scurrying across your skin while you're sleeping. Spiders, though, are demons, and know when you're deep in a REM cycle. No need for a gentle alarm reminder, my mode is set to seek and destroy after feeling the distinct movement of a spider on me. You've been there: your violent shaking of all bedding materials and exposition of all viable hiding places for the little beast leaves your respective sleep area looking like a meth-house Dog the Bounty Hunter has just busted into. And you usually don't even find the little bug(ger). Or sleep the rest of the night.
2. Spiders know when they are extra creepy looking.
I am certain there are some tame-looking, somewhat aesthetically pleasing varieties of spiders that exist. However, these are NEVER the ones in sight. For example, the only spiders I've seen as of late are the creepy, white-translucent kind and the bigger-than-a-quarter kind. No. Just no! Where are their microscopic cousins whose eyes and fangs aren't visible to the naked eye!? Probably living in my ear canal, thats where.
3. Bringing me to my next point--Spiders have some kind of broadcast ability to let each other know they have to raise their wicked gamesS. Case in point: an article I read recently, where a woman in China was experiencing ear pain, that doctors concluded was being caused by THE SPIDER LIVING IN HER EAR. You know that spider has eight little data-devices that broadcast, "living in an ear #totescool #spiderprobs," to all its millions of compatriots. So, I fully expect a spider to be living in my brain or eye before this year is over.
4. Spiders can and will live anywhere.
I'm not speaking as a spider scientist or anything, (they don't deserve their own scientists) but I think anywhere you live, people are inclined to let you know that spiders are extra bad in that location. So, if you're living in the rainforest of Borneo, the indigenous people are definitely going to fashion some kind of drawing, probably using rocks, to let you know that the spiders there are suuuuper scary. Concurrently, your cousin from Muncie, In. will confirm that he/she has, "never seen so many effing spiders ever in effing history," via a poorly filtered Walden photo on Instagram. I once heard/completely made up that you're never more than a foot away from a spider/spider-ish being at any point in your life ever.
Well, spiders, you've won. I do not like you and you are clearly not taking action to change this.
