The Air I Breath

As the recent recipient of a Yankee Candle air freshener, I've been exposed to a new world of molecules in my room. I can't help but wonder, though, what is up in the realm of air fresheners?

First of all, we've gotta talk scents. Now, in my world, Clean Cotton, is pretty much the only acceptable choice. I like this scent because it's homey. Like, I was that kid who crawled into the dryer because it smelled good. The fact that I was the size of Thumbelina did not hurt matters, though, either. Can't you remember those soothing times spent as a child, or middle-aged person (oops) (not), grinding your germ ridden nose and oil ridden face into the lush scent of a warm, freshly washed towel? Clean Cotton it is. Also, when in this naturally occurring world are we surrounded by the scent of fruit? "Ah, yes, in Jamaica, the air smells like Coconut! It's so sweet. Our Beaches Resort vacation was an A+!! :D"

Now, I was really excited about the addition of this freshness factory to my room. It has three settings, of which I am guessing increase the amount of spritz freshness you get. I feel like Abercromie could stock these pieces with "Jake" or "Mandi" or whatever they're calling their trendy par-fumes nowadays, and put tens of thousands of clothing-spritzers out of work. Pretty hobos, anyone? Since I refuse to read INSTRUCTIONS for an AIR FRESHENER, I put it at the mid-setting. Safe route? NO. I believe I could feel the alveoli bursting within my lungs after walking into my room having let this thing do its thang for a couple hours. I am not certain, but I am confident. So now we're at the lowest setting and I've learned to keep my distance. It's not like I was cuddled up next to my Yankee Candle Air Freshener, begging it to play Dream Phone with me at 12:30AM, but it's roughly near my bed.

Air fresheners have really begun to boom in the past couple years. Lest we forget Febreeze brand's bold attempt at combining pop/country crossover sensation Shania Twain's new jams with some kind of freshening cartridge? My guess is you wanted to invest in neither. And for that, you're smart. But, man, Febreeze. That is a lucrative business. It's lucrative until, you spray so much concentrated, odor-blocking scent into the puke/piss/mildew ridden fabric, that you begin to equate the good scent as the bad one. "OMG, I'm gonna puke." "Awww. Sick! It smells just like Febreeze Spring Rainfall!!" "Did the cat pee on the carpet while we were gone?!" "Yes, can't you smell that awful Lavender Meadow coming from our closet!?"

The fact of the matter is, it's a nice change from my previously unscented room. I can't but help to think.. Is there a market for air fresheners that are advertised as, Clean AIR scent? Like, why do we need to scent our air? "Ohh, this air is just too much Nitrogen. I just need an extra burst of oxygen. Thank goodness for Yankee Candle's new O2 scent. Phew!!"