Reality Recipe

I dabble in reality television. Whether it be a weekend marathon, or a Monday off of work (oops, today), I highly enjoy watching others' lives and subsequently judging them. I have a pretty extensive knowledge of what it takes to be watchable--and more importantly, good.

First and foremost, you need to be stubborn. You've got to be so stuck in your normal ways that you cannot wrap your head around even the suggestion of pushing your limits or cutting three inches off of your processed hair. Stubbornness is a quality which can make you a star. And by star, I mean enable me to watch you for the duration of your respective episode. Take for example, maybe, a 15-year old social outcast wanting to be Made into a cheering, tumbling, LipSmacker-ing, pretty girl. Initial meetings past, we run into trouble! Who saw this coming!? She doesn't have any friends. She hates to exercise. Her parents laugh at her goals. She like anime. And she enjoys being this way. Sorry, sorry. She just "wants to be different, but didn't know it would be like this." Don't bother tuning into MTV's Made for a couple weeks...I just ruined them for you.

Another thing you need in reality television is a good script. I mean, a creative mind. I mean, be somewhat creative. If you can think of something completely ludacris to say on a regular basis, in semi-applicable situations, you're golden! Think, "That's hot." This phrase has little to know actual substance, but you can say it all the time!
"Here is your pizza, sir." "That's hot."
"Dad's heart surgery went really well!" "That's hot."
"Is that cocaine in your purse?" "That's hot."
Gold, I tell you. Gold! Or, or! If you can have one explosive scene that will most definitely get you into the mags and (most) importantly, The Soup. See, Tanisha from The Bad Girls Club, screaming at the top of her lungs (verbatim) "I ain't get no sleep 'cause of y'all. Now y'all ain't gon' get no sleep cause of me." whilst banging pots together in "the clubhouse". Smell that? Yeah, that's a Nobel Prize coming on.

You need a past. I am a huge proponent of life changing, come to Jesu moments, but I want an EXPLOSION right before we get off the exits for them. Like, if you could cheat on your best friend's boyfriend or girlfriend or could find your birth-mother, after being given up for adoption at birth, right around a 42-minute climax, you've got a check mark and a nod of approval from me.