Shape It Up, Baby.

I want to speak briefly about my fascination with Sketchers brand shoes--more specifically the Sketchers, "Shape Ups". They are cleverly marketed as the shoes you wear to "get in shape without setting foot in a gym!" You're going to want to continue..

Let's be real. People wearing/needing Sketchers "Shape Ups" are putting them on, having someone less obese tie them up tight, and making their way to the fridge to eat an entire ham. Lest we forget that Sketchers is trying to overcome the stereotype of being the 2nd round prize on many a Nickelodeon game show. Figure It Out or Double Dare, anyone? I'd rather the Toys 'R Us Geoffrey Dollars, thanks.

If someone is going to take the effort to purchase shoes to help them lose weight while walking, couldn't they do the same thing...by just walking. I understand that there are about 15 "scientifically formulated" sole layers in these shoes, but doing a set of 25 toe raises on a step will activate the exact same muscles that these "Shape Ups" claim to target. Also, why couldn't these Shape Fucks, oops, people just walk up flights of stairs if they so desperately need activation of their lower leg muscles. I feel this consumer demographic is projecting their hatred of their legs having to bear the brunt of their own body weight on a daily basis. Don't hate your legs. Hate yourself.

Just kidding! But really. Aren't "fit shoes" a bit much? Let us find other ways of burning calories we seem to only be able to by utilizing these "Shape Ups". Options include: beating your spouse, hoarding heavy and/or semi-heavy objects, lifting your legitimate and/or illegitimate children, and starting your own puppy mill. These are merely suggestions for the "Shape Ups" demograff. Also, I'm sorry if your Mom has these shoes.