Travel Whoas

Living in a new city, my people watching obsession is fast becoming a viable series on A&E. Tourists and travelers are an inevitable, gold-mine to watch..especially young couples. Perhaps this is their first excursion together, or a beginning or ending leg of a whirlwind honeymoon. Either way, I'm into it.

One thing giving these couples away in a crowd has to be their noggin attire. Couples always travel in hats. I'm not sure if they wake up at their AAA 4-star, Hilton Garden Inn, sipping their complimentary bold roast, turn to each other and say, "Hon, we gotta wear the hats today", but it sure seems like it. The husband in this duo usually dips to his old standby: a weathered Yankees, or perhaps college emblazoned selection. His wifey, however, is a more complex case. Sometimes she can be persuaded to bust out her "destination cap". These hats are crisp, usually with some kind of awkward metallic stitching, highlighting their zinger of a trip to Milwaukee. Or, sometimes, post hat day decision, she may realize that she does not have a hat in her repertoire. In this case, she'll squeeze her tight pony through one of her husband's sun-faded standbys. The initial quease in her stomach is probably audible at first mirror glance. I usually don't get to partake in that part of their day.

Another dead giveaway for these brave explorers is when they're choosing a mode of transportation and their resistance to making a decision about it. Frequently, you'll see a couple "discussing" how and why a cab is a better choice than the train. I use the term "discuss" in a way that may be likened to how your parents "discussed", with you, the fifth of Absolut they found in your 16 year-old closet. One party will be holding a map or brochure of some kind and the other will be turned toward the street, frantically looking for the mode of transportation the city has clearly reserved especially for them. Once the tension, disagreeing, and lack of anything with wheels comes to a head, a logical solution to the matter at hand occurs: one of the dynamic duo throws up their hands, tilts their head back aggressively, and takes some giant steps to a distance suitable to removing them from the scene, usually about four feet. My favorite portion of young, traveling couples' interaction comes next: laughter. Not the Pop-N-Fresh "hoo, hoo" kind of laughter, but the crazy, enraged, best type. Their sentences begin normally enough, albeit with a bit of increased volume, but then climax in a clenched-molar, raspy scream. Think, "Ha, well, BABE, we COULD be on the TRAIN right now, but, HA, I'm CONTENT to just wait for YERROWCAB, SHHHHRRR. It's at the emergence of the fucked up alternating volume when you know, for certain, that love still exists.